Through your eyes...

First post for 2011...going to make this one a bit of a mind dump based on reflecting on the past few weeks.

After writing my post of what has transpired over the past 12 months, I realised how much I had achieved, how many opportunities God had presented before me and ultimately how blessed I was! A friend who read my blog post about 2010 kept remarking to me how many great things I had the opportunity to do in the past year. He was much more excited than I was...but realistically I should be the excited one...I should be the one filled with joy and praise for all that has come my way!

Although the end of the year didn't go as well as I would have hoped, on a whole 2010 was a really great year. But why is it then that I start 2011 with such a heavy heart. I remember back in January of 2010 I had no idea of the possibilities that would present themselves in the coming 12 months! To be totally honest, I had no expectations on the year ahead, I just saw it as another year with the same events....

But even the not so great things that have occurred...are they really that bad. I know it sounds all idealistic...but for every negative there is a related positive if you take the time to look at it. Where I have made a mistake...i have learnt and and developed as a person. Where I have taken a wrong step...I now know the right path to take.  For every bad situation I found myself in...I now know how to survive through the hard times.

Also during this time God has put things in perspective as well...for no matter how I feel and how bad I think my situation is...there are other people doing it much worse. I know its cliched...but its true. While I write this, one of my friends is laying in a hospital bed where she has been since the middle of December. But on each occasion that I visit her, she gives me that big smile, she still speaks with a joy in her voice, she still enjoys making jokes and laughing with us. Despite the fact she still has no word on when she can get out of that place, she doesn't let it bring her down. So why am I so childish and allow myself to feel down over my circumstances?

So again I ask myself...why do I feel down as we commence the new year? Do I doubt that God doesnt have bigger and better things in store for me this year? Do I down play the plans God has for me? I think its just a bit of insecurity, after things were flying, things looked to be going great...a couple of hurdles brings me back to Earth. But isn't it in these situations that we grow the most? If everything I desired just fell in my lap, wouldnt it mean that I would become lazy, complacent, not put in the same efforts?

I know that there are going to be times where what I want is not what I get...I appreciate the fact that God never holds back anything good from us. I know all these things...but unfortunately these things don't stop my brain from clicking away, they don't prevent my emotions from getting the better of me at times. I just keep reminding myself of the most important aspect...the race is not over yet...Im only 27...there is still a long way to go. There was a song that I used to sing at church that had the line "I'm not going to live by what I feel..." and that is something that I have been repeating over and over lately. Disappointments, setbacks, failures...I'm not going to let these things define me, for God has never created anything that was a failure!

But on the flip-side...I don't look at 2011 and expect things from God. But rather I wait patiently in anticipation for what is to come. I guess one of the biggest fears I have is that of missing out. Missing the opportunity, not giving things my very best. That is why I must not focus on the past where I have failed, but rather look forward and be prepared for the doors that God does open before me. For if I focus on what is behind me, I will ultimately miss out on what is in front of me and that would be a greater tragedy!


I am excited about this year. I know its not going to be a walk in the park. But I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me. I will strive to be less self-focused and focus more on those around me, on the things around me. I look forward to the doors that God opens for me and the places that He leads me.